I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
