wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
