Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
