my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
