Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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