We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
