Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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