if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
