Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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