Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
