Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
