just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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