I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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