I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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