I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sarcasm needs its own font
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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