Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
