Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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