I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
