I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
