Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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