Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
