Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
