That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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