I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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