So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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