I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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