Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
