At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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