I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
