You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize