can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
