Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
