i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
