I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
