I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.