so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home