ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
