I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
