I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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