Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
