the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
