i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
