I just threw up on my dentist
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
