So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
