i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
