So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
