i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
