porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
