You smell like stripper and shame
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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