I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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