Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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