First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
