She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
