I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
now i know why i became what i already was.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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