i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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