STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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