So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
