Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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