maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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